Please excuse me as I ramble about hyperfixation for a minute
2 min read
I can hyperfocus on things. I've mostly thought of this as a feature and not a bug because it usually means I can move mountains at work when I'm in this mode.
Recently, I've been hyperfixated on working on my website and my homelab stuff but like in an unhealthy way. It feels a lot like when you get a jingle in your head and you can't stop humming or singing it, but I'm consumed by it. I must do the thing. It's been games like EVE Online or Factorio. It's been projects like my aquariums. Lately, it's been building my homelab and website.
This affects my life negatively because I end up using all my spoons on whatever I'm hyperfixated on, which means I have fewer spoons[1] to do anything else. I need to mow the grass, for example. I've been putting it off because, excuses, but it's really because by the time I exhaust my mind from working on my fixation, I just don't feel like doing anything. It's more than I just don't want to do it; I'm mentally exhausted. I also need to perform aquarium maintenance. I told Rachelle I'd get her disco ball light thing going. There are many of my WLED lighting projects around the house that I need to tend to. I need to do the monthly shopping, and on and on and on.
My usual solution is to try to allow myself the space to double down on whatever I'm focused on and get it done. So like get my red science to 10k science per minute in Factorio. My thinking is, if I just get this done, then I can stop thinking about it for a minute. But there's always the next thing that needs to be done. Well now my steel build is running low, so I need to redesign my steel factory! Ugh. It just goes on ad infinitum.
I've never been diagnosed with anything, and Rachelle thinks I'm on the ADHD spectrum; I'm unconvinced. Everyone seems to think they're on some sort of spectrum, but maybe sometimes people are just weird.
"Spoons" comes from spoon theory, the idea that you have a limited number of energy units ("spoons") each day, and once you've spent them, you're out. Coined by Christine Miserandino in 2003. ↩︎
Pablonius Monk 🇺🇦 via Mastodon
@michaelharley I was delighted to find you here on the Fediverse when I was looking for Calibre help a couple years ago. I am in awe of your tech chops and aspire to some of the heights you've reached with Home Assistant and the blog integration. @JustinPot is another one that I follow who seems pretty relentless about seeking out these cool projects. So it's a relief to me to read your post this AM. I never have enough time to track down these goals. But I _am_ going to mow the lawn now. 😁
Buttered Jorts via Mastodon
@michaelharley yeah… that sounds exactly like me, except I frequently get so overwhelmed that I get nothing done, not even the hyperfixation. That’s more true since having kids, in the old days that happened less often.
Diagnosed AuDHD (comorbid ADHD and autism) this year, after 30+ years of living like this. Month 2 on meds, they’ve helped some? But I still lack the skills to take advantage of them to the level I feel like I’d need for relief.
Buttered Jorts via Mastodon
@michaelharley as for whether that’s just how you’re wired or if it’s a problem worth dealing with, whether it’s a clinical diagnosis, self-diagnosis, or rejection of pursuing diagnosis, it’s still how you’re wired. And whether it’s a problem or not is all down to how you feel about it, but if you’re blogging about it, I tend to think you feel it is on some level.
Erik Ableson via Mastodon
@michaelharley oh dear. All of the feels on this one. Once my brain latches onto a project like this it’s almost impossible to convince it that there are other things that need attention too